I feel ya, sista.

It took me a long time to realize that I have PTSD from childhood trauma and abuse. I had no idea it was Complex PTSD or that CPTSD even existed.

Mine has manifested as hyper-vigilance (I have to check out anything that moves to see if it's a threat) and perfectionism, which as a practical matter is fear of failure and resulting harsh criticism. At 60, I'm finally able to begin to relax a bit and to "take my foot off the gas". It's gonna be a'ight. ;)

Glad we're on the road to recovery. Please keep getting better and sharing what you learn. It helps.